Feeding the Five Thousand

I recently heard a interpretation of the feeding of the five thousand, and I want to see if anyone has any thoughts about this particular miracle.

This interpretation says Jesus did not magically create more bread and more fishes. He took the generosity of one boy, blessed the meager fish and bread, and ordered the disciples to pass around the food. As the baskets went around, those who had no food took what they needed, but the example and essence of Jesus encouraged those who had food to put some of what they had into the baskets. This is how there came to be so much extra food, and I guess one could consider it miraculous.

I really like this story. I often wondered how Jesus created more food. It's not that I doubt Jesus' power, and I totally believe he has the ability to magically multiply food (like the widows oil and flour). But I thought it weird to be one of the disciples passing around the food. The little boy did not give very much, so I wondered when the food actually multiplied. Was it like the movies, where a person reaches into the basket and in the quick second that her hand covers the bread another one appears? Did it happen as Jesus blessed the food? Was there a big mob and in the confusion no one bothered to keep count? That sort of miracle seems oddly mystical.

One of my friends pointed out that in Jesus' miracles, he didn't often create something out of nothing. He raised the dead, but the bodies were already there. He turned water into wine, but the wine didn't pour out of an empty jar. He healed people, walked on water, slipped through crowds without a hand grabbing at him, but none of these required him creating matter out of nothing. Now I don't discount the traditional interpretation of the feeding of five thousand, but this way brings a whole new dimension to the story.

We are required to follow Jesus. Even in his death, his greatest and most difficult task, we are asked to follow. It seems like with all of his miracles, we are able to follow. So with this interpretation of the "feeding of the five-thousand" miracle, we should be able to follow. We should live the life prescribed to us in the scriptures, no matter how pointless it seems, and trust that the influence of our actions will spread. We should believe that our seemingly futile actions of self-sacrifice can affect the lives of those around us. We should believe that somehow our little bread and fish can feed the five thousand.

Shoe boxes

What are we doing?
What are we doing here?

The people we see in the streets
are not the people that exist.
They are only the images in shoe boxes.

Cardboard diorama.
Pin up a play house, a toy car, a necktie.
Paste an advertisement cutout,
a movie quote,
a printout of song lyrics.
And hold it over your face.

It's easy to carry,
and it does the talking.
We don't even need to show our face.
Plus its pretty.
Much prettier than dirt.
We are all just dirt.
Who could love dirt?

What are we doing?
What are we doing here?

Plants do not grow out of plastic,
or cardboard dioramas.
We are more than flimsy cutouts.
People are much more than just who they are.
They are also what they could be.

It's been raining for a while

So I realized that I don't really write about my life. I just throw out the crazy ideas I've been thinking about, but I guess the bible tells a lot about people's lives. Not that that means I need to.

Its been raining constantly. They failed to tell me that it rains so much in Louisiana. I love it; there is something about the gray that makes me happy. I am in that place where all the people I know here have past that initial friendly phase and the real friendships need to be built. It makes me want to go spill my life to every person I know and hide in my room all at the same time. I don't want to be real because I feel like the real me just says the wrong things at the wrong times in the wrong way. But I really am tired of being alone.
Oh, reading over this makes me feel like one of those lonely bloggers who sits in his room and spills his life on the computer because he is too scared to do it for real. Oh well, I really don't care who reads this. Honestly, I would be fine if no one read it.

I have been thinking about mentorship again. I ask for someone to mentor, someone to walk beside me, and someone to mentor me practically every day. I feel like I need it.
One of my friends said that before you get married you should find out about yourself, because you have to be able to explain yourself to your spouse. I think that is really true. I want to find out about myself more, but I don't know how or where to begin. Even if I choose not to get married, I still think it is a good thing to know. How can I give myself to people if I don't know exactly what I am giving? And this applies to friendships as much as relationships. Everything I do should be giving myself to other people.

The rain makes me wish I were doing something important. It makes me want to sit back and be satisfied with what I am doing. Right now I just sit back and wish I hadn't put off what I was supposed to be doing. Wish I weren't so scared of things. Wish I were more motivated.

So I have to go work on art now. I am thinking of declaring an art major, maybe with a religious studies minor. I've decided to drop chemistry because it was just taking too much of my time. It is a good thing. In my art class we were supposed to be sketching everyday, but I haven't done any so now I have like 40 drawings to do in my sketch book before Tuesday. Gah, plus an art project, plus a paper. I love art, but it really is time consuming. I am tempted to just save this as a draft, or read over it and revise it. I think I am just gonna post it.

The World

Jesus often refers to "the world". Do not conform to the ways of the world, for the world hates me, etc. What is "the world"?

Prayer, Does it Really Work?

So I unlocked my mailbox the other day to find those words printed neatly on to a church flier.

"Prayer, Does it Really Work?"

I breathed a quick laugh, and were I something other than a college student who receives next to no mail, I would have placed that flier on the bottom of the stack. As it were, I just folded it up and stuck it in my pocket. Does prayer really work, I mean really.

I still have that flier sitting next to me on my desk. Each time I read it it brings back that same feeling of indignation. Is this what prayer has become to us, a way in which we can ask God for things? Are we composed of merely needs, and can our only interaction with the one who created us be one of asking for what we do not have?

They are doing a whole series on this topic, and the back of the flier shows what sub-topic the pastor will be addressing each Sunday. "If God already knows, why pray?""Ask, Seek, Knock: when persistence seems pointless""What's okay to pray for?". It makes me so sad. I read these and think that these people are missing so much of what God really is, what life really is. Pray for anything, everything! Whatever you are thinking about, struggling with, wanting, feeling, needing, communicate it. Share it in everyday possible, in everything you do. Your prayer should never cease. It isn't just words, it isn't just asking for something. It isn't a game. Pray without ceasing, ever condition yourself to face God in your actions, words, thoughts. Prayer is the speech of the living; if you have been raised from the dead then everything you do is prayer. If you love God then you ever strive for a better glimpse of him, a more clear image, a brighter picture, because that is your life. If you love God then praying without ceasing will come naturally because all you want in life is him. To not pray kills you on the inside. It is worse than pain, worse than prison, worse than poverty. To not pray is to cut yourself off from God, and I would rather cut off my right arm than be cut off from God.

So these are all the sub-topics. Any comments?

*If God Already Knows, Why Pray?
.....because you love him. If you love someone you express yourself to him or her, and telling God what you want is another way of expressing yourself. All you really need is him anyways

*Ask, Seek, Knock: When Persistence Seems Pointless
.....I don't know as much about this one, but it seems to me that if you really want something you won't get tired of asking for it.

*Unanswered Prayer
.....That's the hardest because all prayer is answered just not all are answered yes, so unanswered prayer probably indicates communication interference. It would seem to me that something isn't getting through.

*Prayer and Physical Healing
.....I have no experience on this on. Any comments?

*What's Okay to Pray For?
.....Anything. I think God can correct you if anything is misplaced, but just don't stop praying.

Backwards, or outside the linear

"Fled and him left all.
They and fulfilled be scriptures,
the let but me seize not."

"Did you and teaching temple
the in you with was I day after day.
Me capture to clubs and swords,
with robber a against.
As out come you,
have them to said Jesus.
And ear his off cut,"

"and priest high
the of servant.
The stuck
and sword his drew,
by stood who? Those of one."

"But him seized and him on hands laid they.
And him kissed he, and Rabbi said.
And once at him to up went he,
came he, when and guard under away
him led and him seize."

"Man the is kiss. Will I one?"

"The saying sign
a them given,
had betrayer the now elders
the and scribes
the and priests chief.
The from clubs and swords
with crowd
a him with and twelve.
The of one came Judas.
Speaking still was he
while immediately"

"and..." back again,
every day, story of my life.

Status Quo

** http://www.folkways.si.edu/listen2.aspx?type=preview&trackid=15821 **

All hail the mighty status quo, determinant of our actions and ruler of our thoughts. The people make him king over all of the nations of the earth.

You can not serve two masters