Goodnight

I am going to burrow under the covers until this night has passed.
Literally.

Sometimes

Sometimes I want the ground to just swallow me up,
or me to meld into the dirt.
Sometimes I wish my body would disappear into the wind, like the movies.
Sometimes I wish I could become part of the darkness.
When the lights are off and I can't see my hands
and I can't see my feet
I wish it would stay that way.
When I am lying on the ground
and can feel the rocks and sand pressing on my back and head
I wish the pressure would stop and I could dissolve like water.
When the wind blows hard
and my hair and clothes fold against themselves
I wish I could fold over myself into oblivion.
Sometimes I wish I could melt out the bodies limitations.
Sometimes I wish all I could see were the thing around me,
and I wouldn't have to look at my hands
clumsy hands,
legs,
slow legs,
face,
blemished, aging face.
I wish I could be part of the ground, the wind, the dark,
an existence in the things around me,
because then I wouldn't have to worry about what I could or could not do
and I would only be seen as the unmovable earth,
a force not a person.
Sometimes that's all I want
to be a force
to not have to make human decisions
human mistakes
be human clumsy
human stupid
Human.