Is the bible my brain? What is this?
Sometimes I feel as if I am just falling and falling and I know where the ground is and where the rope is but somehow I don't feel it in my hands and I slide and fall backward helpless and blind but its there and all I have to do is reach up and grab it but I don't. Why can't we just tie the rope around me and heave me up?
I just got promoted to manager at my job.
It comes with better pay, new keys, and a whole ton more on my mind.
I don't know if I want to keep it.
Actually, I do know that I don't.
I want to drop back down,
I don't want the weight on my mind.
I don't want it taking any of God's space.
I want to quit the bike club.
I want to do only a few things well,
but right now I am just immobilized by nothing done very well.
When I am busy I am stressed and I dream of a break
but when I get one I feel so dissatisfied.
I can't sit alone with myself anymore.
What is going on I don't know
but I just want to be walking the straight and narrow again.
I am tired of trying it logically,
because logically I am blind.
I need help.
I need support.
Someone tell me that I need to quit being manager
(but they just promoted you and gave you instructions and who else are they gonna get and this is going to be awkward because they are going to be so disappointed)
Someone tell me that I need to quit the bike club
(but it is not as if you go to anything and you have good connections and it encourages you to stay fit and you are friends with the president)
Someone tell me that these things are renting space in my head and they won't go away until you make them.
(but you really, really don't want to do this so maybe if you just hide in a hole someday you can poke your head out and it will all be gone even though this new path is where God is)
Ugh, thought vomit. I'm sorry.
