I know what they are doing, those people who jump from one thing to the next.
I know why they smoke
and I know why they drink.
I know why they stay up through the night
and why they sleep through the day.
I know why they eat.
I know why they run.
I know why they twitch in bed
and why their eyes won't meet yours.
I know what they are doing.
It lies in that first drag
and that last drought.
It lies in that first bite.
It lies in a sleep deprived mind,
in a fatigued body.
It lies in that split second when whatever it is carries them away.
They jump from one thing to the other
because they are trying to forget,
forget that they hate themselves.
Those people can't wait to
get where they're going,
forget where they were,
and leave where they are.
Never truly satisfied,
they jump from one thing to the next
searching for that one thing,
that can for a split second
erase their self-hate.
I know what they are doing.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Christianity (re-published)
Christianity
I am so tired about hearing about Christianity.Christianity isn't about this. Christianity isn't about that. REAL Christians believe this, REAL Christians believe that. He must not be a Christian because he doesn't go to church every Sunday. She must not be a Christian because she practices lesbianism. He has a tattoo, she pierced her belly button, he looks at porn, she deals drugs. They MUST not be Christians. They don't fit our set of rules. They don't meet our requirements. They must be going to Hell.
Man, when did Christianity become about rules?
In acts it says that "The disciples were called Christians first at Antioch". Now I don't know if it is just the translation, but it seems to me that they didn't give themselves that name. Others gave them that title, the title of Christ followers. So when did Christianity become such an exclusive club? When did we get to decide who is following Jesus and who isn't? I have said it before, but Christianity is not the only connection to God. Jesus, his words, and the holy spirit are the only connection to God, and Christianity does not have an exclusive hold on them.
I just get angry. People walk around like they have it all figured out, like the answer to our lives can be contained in this little box called Christianity. I am done with Christianity. I will go to church, I will read my beloved bible (favorite book in my collection), I will pray, I will encourage others, I will strive to die to myself daily, and I will try to follow Jesus in everything but I will no longer let myself by constrained by the harrowing shackles of this Christianity in which people believe. I will no longer buy in to the idea of an exclusive hold on God.
I am probably going to regret this tomorrow when the comments start coming in, but I am just so tired of it. I feel as if I can't go back to this exclusive Christianity, yet everything inside of me cringes when I try to think of a church outside of "Christianity". Maybe I am just struggling with too many "brick wall" Christianities (Velvet Elvis reference). Maybe I just need to get on to my trampoline and jump higher and higher and higher. Maybe that's where I will find my true life, not in the brick walls but in the Christianity of the sky. Man, I just want to live!
Monday, November 23, 2009
Dr. Otto
We have an atheist religions teacher here at Centenary, and at first it surprised me, almost offended me. But I like him. He is my FYE (first year experience) professor, and although he works our butts off, I feel like he has a really good view of life. Except...
Ever met someone who was so alive, except for the fact that he is dead? I know plenty of people: aunts, neighbors, students, my FYE professor. They understand that it is about trying to live a great life, they try so hard, but they lack the life to get up and walk. They have no God to raise them from the dead. Like corpses they lie in their graves and wait as they slowly meld back into the mud. They have no hope, they have no life. And even worse, they don't even realize.
My professor has a good outlook. He works hard, cares for others strives to be a better person for the sake of those around him. But he lacks one thing, Jesus, and without it all that he does is worth nothing. Nothing. God is the center of the universe, the alpha and omega, and however much I may stray and rebel, however I act, I will always always acknowledge that He is my God and without Him I would be nothing. I would be mud; I would be dead. I am so sad for my professor. He would make such a great live person. I think he would be happier, too. But he just sits in his office, eyes on the screen typing away, as his body slowly melds back into the mud.
That's not to say I disagree with having an atheist religions professor. In fact I like it. I think Christians have the bad habit of thinking they are the only religion out there, or at least the only one that counts. I don't think we should be any more offended at an atheist religions teacher than a Hindu should be offended at a Christian one.
Ever met someone who was so alive, except for the fact that he is dead? I know plenty of people: aunts, neighbors, students, my FYE professor. They understand that it is about trying to live a great life, they try so hard, but they lack the life to get up and walk. They have no God to raise them from the dead. Like corpses they lie in their graves and wait as they slowly meld back into the mud. They have no hope, they have no life. And even worse, they don't even realize.
My professor has a good outlook. He works hard, cares for others strives to be a better person for the sake of those around him. But he lacks one thing, Jesus, and without it all that he does is worth nothing. Nothing. God is the center of the universe, the alpha and omega, and however much I may stray and rebel, however I act, I will always always acknowledge that He is my God and without Him I would be nothing. I would be mud; I would be dead. I am so sad for my professor. He would make such a great live person. I think he would be happier, too. But he just sits in his office, eyes on the screen typing away, as his body slowly melds back into the mud.
That's not to say I disagree with having an atheist religions professor. In fact I like it. I think Christians have the bad habit of thinking they are the only religion out there, or at least the only one that counts. I don't think we should be any more offended at an atheist religions teacher than a Hindu should be offended at a Christian one.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Feeding the Five Thousand
I recently heard a interpretation of the feeding of the five thousand, and I want to see if anyone has any thoughts about this particular miracle.
This interpretation says Jesus did not magically create more bread and more fishes. He took the generosity of one boy, blessed the meager fish and bread, and ordered the disciples to pass around the food. As the baskets went around, those who had no food took what they needed, but the example and essence of Jesus encouraged those who had food to put some of what they had into the baskets. This is how there came to be so much extra food, and I guess one could consider it miraculous.
I really like this story. I often wondered how Jesus created more food. It's not that I doubt Jesus' power, and I totally believe he has the ability to magically multiply food (like the widows oil and flour). But I thought it weird to be one of the disciples passing around the food. The little boy did not give very much, so I wondered when the food actually multiplied. Was it like the movies, where a person reaches into the basket and in the quick second that her hand covers the bread another one appears? Did it happen as Jesus blessed the food? Was there a big mob and in the confusion no one bothered to keep count? That sort of miracle seems oddly mystical.
One of my friends pointed out that in Jesus' miracles, he didn't often create something out of nothing. He raised the dead, but the bodies were already there. He turned water into wine, but the wine didn't pour out of an empty jar. He healed people, walked on water, slipped through crowds without a hand grabbing at him, but none of these required him creating matter out of nothing. Now I don't discount the traditional interpretation of the feeding of five thousand, but this way brings a whole new dimension to the story.
We are required to follow Jesus. Even in his death, his greatest and most difficult task, we are asked to follow. It seems like with all of his miracles, we are able to follow. So with this interpretation of the "feeding of the five-thousand" miracle, we should be able to follow. We should live the life prescribed to us in the scriptures, no matter how pointless it seems, and trust that the influence of our actions will spread. We should believe that our seemingly futile actions of self-sacrifice can affect the lives of those around us. We should believe that somehow our little bread and fish can feed the five thousand.
This interpretation says Jesus did not magically create more bread and more fishes. He took the generosity of one boy, blessed the meager fish and bread, and ordered the disciples to pass around the food. As the baskets went around, those who had no food took what they needed, but the example and essence of Jesus encouraged those who had food to put some of what they had into the baskets. This is how there came to be so much extra food, and I guess one could consider it miraculous.
I really like this story. I often wondered how Jesus created more food. It's not that I doubt Jesus' power, and I totally believe he has the ability to magically multiply food (like the widows oil and flour). But I thought it weird to be one of the disciples passing around the food. The little boy did not give very much, so I wondered when the food actually multiplied. Was it like the movies, where a person reaches into the basket and in the quick second that her hand covers the bread another one appears? Did it happen as Jesus blessed the food? Was there a big mob and in the confusion no one bothered to keep count? That sort of miracle seems oddly mystical.
One of my friends pointed out that in Jesus' miracles, he didn't often create something out of nothing. He raised the dead, but the bodies were already there. He turned water into wine, but the wine didn't pour out of an empty jar. He healed people, walked on water, slipped through crowds without a hand grabbing at him, but none of these required him creating matter out of nothing. Now I don't discount the traditional interpretation of the feeding of five thousand, but this way brings a whole new dimension to the story.
We are required to follow Jesus. Even in his death, his greatest and most difficult task, we are asked to follow. It seems like with all of his miracles, we are able to follow. So with this interpretation of the "feeding of the five-thousand" miracle, we should be able to follow. We should live the life prescribed to us in the scriptures, no matter how pointless it seems, and trust that the influence of our actions will spread. We should believe that our seemingly futile actions of self-sacrifice can affect the lives of those around us. We should believe that somehow our little bread and fish can feed the five thousand.
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