Ever look around you and wonder what you are doing here?
Shreveport, Louisiana, really? How did I get here, and why? Why would I come here? Maybe tomorrow I will wake up to a city reincarnate in the morning light. Maybe a new type of grass will grow, and maybe my legs will take me somewhere I want to be. Maybe I will not sit on my computer all day or eat a quarter package of Oreos. I find myself tonight standing on the edge of a diving board, but I can step off, let alone jump. It kind of feels like those dreams in which I can not respond to someone who is chasing or attacking me, in which I just sit there a take it, my whirling somewhere outside of my body. Inside my brain hits a black spot. I want so badly to do something worthwhile, something challenging in which I am fully capable, something that makes me feel useful. I want to do something useful. I feel so alone, too. Not in the depressed sense, but in the sense that I share my convictions with no one. I want to share dreams with someone. I want to know that the things that I want to be, want to do are not detrimental. I want affirmation.
Reading the bible, found that "God is a righteous judge, a God who expressses his wrath everyday." I wonder how God is going to express his wrath tomorrow.
psalms 7 also says that God saves the upright in heart... try telling that to Jim Elliot's family or the people around Stephen (Acts 6) who watched an innocent man die. this of course, begs the questions 1) what are the psalms? 2) if i was to base my theology on someone's diary or any number of songs, hymns or modern worship songs, what array of things could i feasibly come up with? 3) is it possible that the opposite should be our goal, basing our songs and poetry on our theology instead of the other way around?
ReplyDelete