A dangerous prayer

I just prayed this prayer
"Lord, I want to be put in the middle of people so broken that I either have to show my brokenness too or leave because I am too judgmental to stand them. Amen."

I don't want to do this anymore.
I don't want to be living like this,
 looking good and feeling so incredibly bad
for all of the bad that I keep inside
instead of letting it all out and showing people
my wounds
just to realize that my wounds have become white with the healing of Jesus.

I want them to see
but I am afraid my wounds will be unclean
I am afraid I will be kicked out of the camp
I am afraid to be labeled "unclean" until things get better
I am afraid my wounds are raw and contagious.

God has washed me whiter than snow.
I am washed, and I am confident
he has turned all my wounds into white scars
clean, a testimony to his healing
I want to be able to show them
in the center of camp
without worrying that I will be kicked out.

I can't live on my own.
Jesus is in the desert,
but please come and speak to me
I can't do this.

When will I be okay?
*I am okay
When will I be open?
*I am open before Jesus, and when I come to realize this and put that relationship higher than all others, I will be able to be open
When will my want for community outweigh my shame and my fear and my pride?
*when I have tasted community and want more and more and more
When will I believe that I can't hide it anymore?
*When I can't
When will I believe that I can't hide it anymore?
*When I expose it